HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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