Yo dont text me then not text me
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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