why didn't you poke me back
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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