Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
