he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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