She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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