If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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