if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize