i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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