Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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