god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
