So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
