I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
