I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
