According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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