he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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