my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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