1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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