Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
