We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
