spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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