there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
