AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
