There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
