im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
