So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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