he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
