I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
