He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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