If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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