i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
