she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize