His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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