i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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