Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
