I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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