in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
