So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You took a bar mat shot.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
