i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You left your phone here
Wait...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
