Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
