Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
