He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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