I cannot find my penis.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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