We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
