OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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