I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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