I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
