Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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