I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
