??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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