doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I love you. Go after that dick
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
