i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
