I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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