cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I am naked and annoyed.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
