Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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