Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
