just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
